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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22815232">Sorrow Has A Human Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral'>IllegalCerebral</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Divergent, F/M, Relationship Discussions, Secrets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:14:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22815232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Spencer had found out it was Max's family earlier in "Date Night"?</p><p>If which Spencer and Max have a very difficult conversation where things are revealed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Maxine "Max" Brenner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sorrow Has A Human Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <b>I only post my work to AO3 and tumblr. If you find this story posted on other platforms it has been stolen and reposted without my permission </b>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Not again, please not again. I can’t do this. I can’t go through this again.</em>
</p><p>Spencer stared down at his clenched fists shaking, his knuckles white. He wanted to slam them straight into Cat’s smug face and that very thought sent a wave of nausea over him.</p><p>“Spence,” JJ’s voice was tiny. Was she frightened? She cast her gaze over the books and papers Spencer had pushed off the table. Shame rose within him but it wasn’t strong enough to quench the anger.</p><p>“I can calm down,” Spencer said but he wasn’t sure if he was reassuring JJ or himself, “give me ten minutes and I can-“</p><p>“We know who they are. The kidnapped man and his daughter? They’re Max’s family,” the words tumbled from JJ’s lips so fast that Spencer struggled to process them.</p><p>“Max,” Spencer repeated, “you mean my Max?” JJ nodded. She went on to explain how Anderson was going with some agents to bring her in and JJ was so sorry but she had to tell the team who Max was and-</p><p>“This is all my fault.”</p><p>“What? Spence no. This is all on Cat!”</p><p>“I put a target on Max. I should have known that eventually Cat would try something. I made sure that security around my Mom is impenetrable but I didn’t even think about…God I am so fucking stupid!” Spencer slammed his fist into the wall, making JJ jump.</p><p>“Spencer, I know you’re angry,” JJ said, slowly. Angry was a fucking understatement and as much as he knew JJ cared Spencer wished to god she wouldn’t use her motherly voice on him. He took several deep breaths, trying to slow the pounding of his heart and the howling in his brain but it was no use.</p><p>“I need to see her. Max not Cat. I need to be the one to explain to her why this happened. Please.” Spencer’s voice cracked slightly. JJ didn’t answer; just bit her lip, eyes glassy. She felt his pain, he knew that, but right now he needed her to listen.  Luckily for him Emily did listen when Max finally arrived and let Spencer use her office to sit down with her.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Max’s voice was wobbly. Spencer gestured for her to sit down with him on the sofa but he couldn’t meet her eyes. “All they told me was that my Dad and Eloise were kidnapped by a woman the FBI arrested. Why? They’ve literally never done anything to anyone!”</p><p>“It’s because of me,” mumbled Spencer. He cleared his throat. Max deserved the truth on this. “The case I was called in on? I arrested this woman about four years ago. She was part of this contract killer network targeting Garcia. They were- you know what? That’s not important now.” This was insane. Spencer didn’t even now how to start. Every way he could think of telling this story made it sound like trashy movie. Max leaned forward and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tight.</p><p>“It’s okay Spencer.”</p><p>The thing is I went undercover to catch her and in order to stop her killing a lot of people I had to lie to her. She has…issues with her father and I told her that I had found him and brought him there. I hadn’t. I looked for him but he’d left the country years ago.”</p><p>“So this is revenge for lying to her?” Max frowned. Spencer opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Thankfully at that point Garcia burst in.</p><p>“We’ve got them! Your Dad and sister I mean. Well, we know where they are. Kinda,” Garcia babbled, “I’m Garcia. Penelope Garcia. Sorry I don’t usually introduce myself in a Bond, James Bond kind of way.”</p><p>“Penelope how?” asked Spencer, getting to his feet.</p><p>“I asked for Max’s phone when she arrived just in case Cat’s evil sidekick tried to get in contact and she did! I traced the call and Emily’s sending a team there!”</p><p>“What-what did she say?” Spencer asked. There was a cold feeling of dread pooling in his stomach.</p><p>“Okay that’s where it gets a little weird. She wanted Max to go your apartment. There’s a spare key under the mat.”</p><p>“Why would she want me to go to your place?” asked Max. She looked up at Spencer but his brow was furrowed in thought.</p><p>“With Cat there’s always a plan within a plan. Like plan-ception,” Garcia explained, “this chick is seriously cock-a-doodle crazy. Like a mean girl but more stabby.”</p><p>“You think she wanted to hurt me to get back at Spencer lying to her?” Max gasped.</p><p>“No,” Spencer was still frowned but his gaze was slightly unfocused, “I think it’s something else. Her demand for freeing the hostages was for me to go on a date with her-“</p><p>“What?” Garcia and Max yelped at the same time. Spencer ignored them.</p><p>“She probably expected to come back to my place with me. Max would have been there.” He shuddered, sick possibilities rolling through his head. Something Cat wanted Max to see, to hear?</p><p>To learn?</p><p>“Wait,” Max pressed her fingers to her eyes then dragged them through her hair, “I thought this was a dangerous hit woman? She can’t honestly expect the FBI to let her waltz out of prison and go for dinner with one of their agents then head back to his place can she?”</p><p>“She wanted to go ice skating actually,” said Spencer, and immediately regretted it upon seeing the look of horror on Max’s face. Garcia shrank back a little, eyes flitting between them.</p><p>“What kind of hold does this woman have over you people?”  The silence was heavy and sickening. Max screwed her eyes shut, her breathing shaky.</p><p>“Garcia could you…could you give us a moment?”</p><p>“Sure I was going to go back to the cave and liaise with the team in the field. I can let you know when they’re back with your family.”</p><p>“What aren’t you telling me Spencer?” Max asked when Garcia was gone, “You’re…you’re scared of this woman aren’t you?”</p><p>Spencer hesitated. For a moment he considered just saying yes and maybe explaining his mother’s abduction. It was part of the answer and it would probably satisfy Max and definitely stop any more questions. But a lie by omission was still a lie and he didn’t want to build their relationship on such shaky foundations.</p><p>“It’s more complicated than that,” Spencer said.</p><p>“I don’t understand…”</p><p>“This isn’t the first time she’s hurt people I care about for revenge. I told you my Mom was sick right?” Max nodded. Spencer sat down. His legs were shaking too much, and the last thing he wanted was to keel over while telling this story. “The treatment wasn’t helping so I got in contact with a doctor working in Mexico. I went down there a couple of times to get a specific medicine off of her but the last time…”</p><p>Flashes of a knife and blood and that terrible feeling of not being in control of his own body flooded Spencer’s brain. He took some deep, steadying breaths in hope of quelling the rising nausea.</p><p>“Cat had someone watching me. Lindsey. She was another- actually that doesn’t really matter. Lindsey killed Nadie, the doctor and she drugged me and I was arrested for murder.” Max’s eyes grew wide and she half sat, half fell down beside Spencer.</p><p>“She framed you for murder?”</p><p>“I was in prison for three months. Just before the trial my team found a way to prove my innocence but by then…Cat had Lindsey abduct my mother.”</p><p>“Spencer.”  Max moved to put a hand on Spencer’s shoulder but in that moment it felt like too much. He stood before she had the chance, crossing the room.</p><p>“I had to go and interrogate her.”</p><p>“The FBI made you do that? Right after getting out of prison?”</p><p>“First rule of interrogation is never give the suspect what they want but Cat is smart. It’s just like Garcia said, there’s always a plan within a plan with her and I guess Emily hoped that I could see it if I went to her. I was so desperate to get my Mom back.”</p><p>“So what was her plan within a plan then?” Max asked, “Surely sending you to prison and kidnapping your Mom is revenge enough?”</p><p>“I don’t think anything will be enough for her,” said Spencer, “Cat was pregnant.”</p><p>“So what’s that got to do-?”</p><p>“She told me it was mine.”</p><p>“Wait, hold up,” Max jumped to her feet, “You slept with an imprisoned psychopath?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then how-“</p><p>“The drugs in Mexico severely impacted my memory. Even now I can’t really remember what happened so when Cat told Lindsey had violated me I believed her.” Spencer had to look away, he didn’t want to know what Max looked like in that moment. It was amazing really that he hadn’t thrown up or passed out yet. “It was a lie. Cat had seduced a guard but for a moment I thought…”</p><p>“That’s…I don’t know what to say. That’s monstrous. It’s worse than monstrous. All this because you lied to her?” Spencer shook his head.</p><p>“She wants to prove we’re alike, that I’m just as evil as she is.”</p><p>“That’s crazy Spencer, that’s-“</p><p>“True,” Spencer cried, “It’s true. In prison I did awful things because I thought I was going to die. I hurt people.”</p><p>“To survive-“</p><p>“When I thought Cat had told Lindsey to kill my mom I tried to strangle her. This was after I found out she was pregnant. If someone hadn’t stopped me I would have. Cat wanted to prison to destroy me, to make me just like her and it worked. When we met you said I was decent. You’re wrong and this proves that.”</p><p>It was oddly cathartic to admit it out loud and if it wasn’t for the look of utter devastation on Max’s face Spencer could have cried with joy. As it was, his heart felt like it was breaking as he watched her lip tremble.</p><p>“I’m not scared of Cat. I’m scared of what she’s capable of,” Spencer said, shakily, “I’m scared of how she makes me feel. I hate her so, so much. Everything she touches rots, including me. She’s like a cancer and I spread that to you and your family. I…sorry is such a weak thing to say right now but I am sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I tried to pretend I was something I’m not.”</p><p>Max stood, mouth slightly open in a silent gasp and with tears in her eyes.</p><p>“I need…a minute…” she headed to the door, flagging down an agent outside. “Is there somewhere I could wait for my Dad and sister?”</p><p>“Sure, I’ll show you.”</p><p>Spencer watched them leave and cross the bullpen, the rest of the team split between staring after her and gazing up at Emily’s office in worry. Spencer sank down onto the sofa and buried his head in his hands. That was that, Max would probably never want to see him again and who could blame her?  </p><p>There was a soft knocking on the door about an hour or so later. Spencer hadn’t moved and his joints ached as he raised his head to see Rossi standing there.</p><p>“Hey kid. We got them. They’re a little shaken but Max’s father and sister are fine,” he said. Spencer let out a sigh of relief.</p><p>“Where are they now?”</p><p>“Emily’s debriefing them. Max had told them about you, you know that?” Spencer hadn’t. He was kind of surprised seeing as he and Max had only seen each other a handful of times. “She seems really nice Spencer,” Rossi added, “Smart too.”</p><p>“Her family was just kidnapped because of me though,” said Spencer, “This whole thing has freaked her out. Max is never going to want to see me again. I told her everything.”</p><p>“Everything?”</p><p>“Mexico. Prison. The interrogation with Cat.”</p><p>“Can I ask why?” Rossi asked, perching on Emily’s desk, hands folded in front of him. Spencer frowned.</p><p>“It was…the truth.”</p><p>“And that’s important?”</p><p>“Of course it is! I can’t be with someone if I’m lying to them!” Spencer had to stop himself from shouting. It was a ridiculous question and Rossi of all people should have known that.</p><p>“You think Cat Adams thinks that way?” Rossi asked. He held up a hand before Spencer could speak. “Don’t bother answering that. We both know she isn’t capable of an ounce of compassion for anyone and the truth is meaningless to her.” Spencer shook his head; it was so much more complicated than that. When Rossi spoke again, his voice was gentler. “I get that this job invites self-flagellation. We stare into the abyss everyday so of course we’re terrified it’s going to consume us but as long as we can tell the difference between ourselves an the monsters we’re winning. Spencer there is a chasm of difference between the likes of you and Cat Adams.”</p><p>“I worry about hurting people.”</p><p>“Psychopaths don’t. They don’t feel guilt or shame. Those things come from our conscience.”</p><p>“My conscience didn’t stop Max getting hurt, or her family.”</p><p>“She’ll understand,” Rossi shrugged, standing up.</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“She’s standing outside.” Spencer leapt to his feet. Through the window Max gave a hesitant little wave. Numbly, Spencer waved back. “I’ll give you two some privacy,” Rossi winked as he opened the door to usher Max in.</p><p>“Your Dad and sister?”</p><p>“They’re just happy it’s over.” Max sounded so tired; Spencer’s heart ached for her.<b></b></p><p>“I’m so-“</p><p>“Please don’t.” Spencer’s shoulders sagged. “You don’t owe me an apology and I appreciate the explanation. It was a lot to take in but as hard as it was to hear I know it must have been more difficult to say.” Spencer paused for a moment.</p><p>“I don’t really talk much about it,” Spencer shrugged, “I guess it’s just easier to try and forget about it.”</p><p>“You’re carrying around a lot of pain,” Max said softly, “That makes how you were when we first met all the more remarkable.” Spencer stared at her. Perhaps he was misinterpreting what she was saying? “You’ve gone through so much and you’re still decent and kind.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I talked to your team. I guess they picked up on what you said. Every single one of them fought your corner, told me stories of how you’ve saved people and solved cases and a bunch of other good deeds.”</p><p>“They did?” That was kind of overwhelming to think about.</p><p>“Yeah,” Max nodded, “my Dad says you can judge a person by the company he keeps and what his friends say about him. You got a gold star recommendation from them today.”</p><p>Hesitantly she moved forward and took Spencer’s hand.</p><p>“I won’t pretend to understand what you’ve gone through, what this job has made you experience but for now I know you’re a good guy despite the awful situations you’ve been put into and for the moment that’s enough.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Max nodded. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to Spencer’s cheek.</p><p>“Really,” she promised, “Emily, told me that Cat’s case is over. She’ll be in isolation until…”</p><p>“Until her execution.” It was a whole other issue that Spencer was too tired to navigate just then but it did mean one thing.</p><p>“I’m free,” he whispered. Max gave he hand a little squeeze as she smiled up at him.</p><p>“Yes you are.”</p>
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